Chapter 3 Yes I’m Important, Don’t You Hear my Keys Jingling?

I start with an apology. I know I am about to offend some very dear friends and acquaintances. But don’t worry; I’m not talking about you.

In my 28 almost 29 years on this earth I have met many kinds of people.  Living in Downtown Chattanooga I have met people who are homeless, pretentious, healthy, too healthy, pretending to be healthy, dirty, patchouli covered, organic, bearded and any combination of the like.  My favorite characters to come in contact with are the self important.

One method for determining the level of importance a person assigns him or herself is to look for one key article. Note, this is not the only method, but it has proved true on a number of occasions. You want to observe his or her belt, waist or other devise that can attach a set of keys to a human. If this person thinks he or she is important, you might find a key ring with at least 30 keys.  This plethora of keys says, “Trust me. Multitudes of people trust my ability to open and lock doors, safes, diaries, lockers, filing cabinets, and other secret places.  This makes me important.” 

Somehow I feel these key holders subconsciously want me to know, they can be trusted. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe they do have a large amount of responsibility on their shoulders. But maybe, they don’t have to carry these keys everywhere. Maybe these keys could stay in the car when you’re out on Friday night. Maybe they could stay somewhere other than on your belt loop or lanyard after work hours. Why do I hear you coming? Do you want to be announced? Have you thought about it? I have.