The Punch Line

Waiting for the punchline...what a lovely idea. It's such a nice way to re-frame a less than lovely situation. 
Yes, back then it was hard. Lots of hard work with no payoff. Actually, the payoff was terrible. I'm still reaping the rewards of the year I taught science.  If you have not, please go back and read A Joke with no Punchline.  This will make a lot more sense...I'll wait.

Ready? Ok.

It's hard to imagine, but as bad as that year was, it got a lot worse.  (I lost 20 pounds) It also got better for a while. ( I gained it back) Good things were going to happen. I was going to be a part of the change. I was a leader. I went to Boston. I know you must be impressed. I was on the right side! We were going to win. I was going to win!

Everything was set. Plans were made. People were on board. Everything was approved. Then the guard changed, but we were not afraid. We had big promises. Summer came. A nice break. Everyone needs to blow off some steam. Let's forgive and forget and start again. I was optimistic. I was no longer waiting for the punchline. Things were looking up.  I was moving up. Everything I wanted was just over that next hill. I wasn't looking for a punchline, but it came.
Here it is, are you ready? I was removed. I was taken off the leadership team, and I didn't even know it. A friend asked why my name wasn't on the email inviting "Us" to a meeting. I was excluded. Uninvited to a party I helped plan.  Ha. Ha. Ha.

Oh, and we were running. That's right, running. When I finally heard the punchline, I was out running with a friend.  Ridiculous.

That hurt. Not funny. This thing that happened may sound like nothing, but it was a low blow for me.  Maybe it is ridiculous that it hurt so much. It's not that I've never had things taken away from me.  It's that I've never wanted something this much. I thought it was finally my turn.  Punchline.

Things have changed.  They continue to change weekly.  I've worked harder than I thought I could.  I finally feel like we are making some progress. I hope that I can continue to work and be successful in this place. I have a little more clout, but a long way to go. (That year in science hell really hurt my career.)

Knowledge:
Beware of people who aren't struggling. If you are one of them...have a nice fall.  I came from the top.  I failed. I'm learning and growing.
"I used to be afraid of failing at the things that really matter to me, but now I'm more afraid of succeeding at the things that don't matter." Bob Goff.  I read this quote Monday before going back to work after the Christmas. I laughed when I read it. I wondered if it would have had to same value if I had read it when my biggest problem was trying to get 7th graders to walk quietly down the hall.  Or if it would seem as important the day I walked out of a meeting because I felt attacked and I couldn't defend myself. Or when I cried in my classroom when they had that first meeting without me.  I know it would not be as powerful, or nearly as funny. I guess that's the real punchline.



Rest assured, I am a happy person.  Before writing this, I wrote a sappy journal entry about how much my husband loves me. (You'd hate it, so I won't bore you.)  This post has taken a very long time to write. Time does heal, and so does writing, crying, praying, and making jokes.


Optional Titles for this Post:
Crying in the Car and Other Things I Brag About
How I Applied for a Job at the Zoo.
Street Cred'
Being the Oldest (ha)
Losing it all again
Teacher of the Month (ha) October